Letting You Down
by Caligo Origuu
Summary: Song-Fic- "If I Am" by Nine Days Kagome tries to figure out why Inuyasha has been acting strange lately. She finds our favorite hanyou thinking about the future...


DISCLAIMER: I'm afraid I don't own Inuyasha and the gang or the song "If I Am" by Nine Days. *sigh* Yeah, I wish...

A/N: First attempt at a song-fic. ^_^' I heard this song on the radio and it just fit somehow. A bit OOC in parts probably and a bit sappy; I've been sick so I'm not quite lucid while I'm writing this. I might edit and fix this up more later *shrug* but I hope it turned out okay for now. I had some problems with formatting it.

http ://niakniak.free.fr/Dawsonsv2/Nine_Days_-_If_I_am.mp3

Onto the songfic!

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Letting You Down

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An Inuyasha SongFic

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A bright yellow backpack landed with a thump on the grass. A few muffled grunts could be heard from the depths of the nearby well as Kagome pulled herself out of the old thing.

"You'd think Inuyasha could at least be here to meet me," the young girl grumbled. Honestly she was rather surprised that the hanyou hadn't come to drag her back like he usually did. She was several hours late after all; the sun would be setting soon. It made Kagome a little worried. '_I wonder if something's wrong...'_ Inuyasha had been acting a little strange lately.

Kagome sighed and slung her backpack over her shoulders. She'd just have to go find him then.__

_~ ~ ~ //So your standing on a ledge,_

_~ ~ ~ It looks like you might fall._

_~ ~ ~ So far down,_

_~ ~ ~ Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.\\_

She checked back at Kaede's place first, but none of her friends had seen him all day. She left her bag there and headed towards the forest, taking her bow and arrows with her, just in case. The others offered to help her look for him, but Kagome told them she wanted to go alone. Inuyasha might be more willing to talk to her if the others weren't around to hear. She was determined to find out if something was wrong with him.

___~ ~ ~ //Now you could have it all,_

_~ ~ ~ If you learned a little patience!_

_~ ~ ~ For though I cannot fly,_

_~ ~ ~ I'm not content to crawl!...\\_

It would be hard to get any information out of him though. Kagome sighed softly as she wandered the forest paths. He never told them much of anything. Inuyasha always worked so hard to hide his emotions; he hated showing weakness to anybody. '_But he should know by now that he can trust us enough to tell us. We are his friends after all_,' she growled mentally.__

_~ ~ ~ //So give me a little credit,_

_~ ~ ~ Have in me a little faith!_

_~ ~ ~ I want to be with you forever,_

_~ ~ ~ If tomorrow's not too late!...\\_

He had good reasons to be so cautious though, she had to admit. Inuyasha had had a very hard life growing up. And he was beginning to trust them more, bit by bit. But it was frustrating. He worked so hard to keep everyone at a distance. It seemed like almost every time he opened up a little bit, he'd panic and close himself off, becoming more defensive than ever. Kagome frowned. '_What's he so afraid of? He knows by now we'd never use it against him, doesn't he?'_ But then again, knowing something and acting on it were two very different things.

_~ ~ ~ //But it's always too late when you've got nothing_

_~ ~ ~ So you say!...\\_

'_Maybe that's not why he won't let anyone close though_.' The idea took her a bit by surprise. Why else would he keep them at a distance?

'_Maybe... he's scared of us leaving...? He has lost everyone else close to him, hasn't he? His mother. And... Kikyo... His father died too. And his brother hates him. And he's never had anyone he could count on before. Or at least not for a very long time.'_ Sympathy and pain filled Kagome's eyes. '_I suppose I'd be scared too._' After a life like that, it would seem a very big risk to let someone close, not knowing if they'd stay with you.

'_Maybe that's why he puts up such a fight when I try to go home...?_' The thought made her blush, but she shook her head. '_No, I'm just a shard detector, right?_' Kagome knew that wasn't completely true though. Even if he didn't like her the way Kagome wanted him to, they were still friends. And 500 years in the future was rather far away when she went home. Maybe he did worry she wouldn't return?

_~ ~ ~ //But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,_

_~ ~ ~ Before the sun rises today...\\_

"But I'm not going anywhere." Kagome spoke the determined words out loud. She couldn't keep herself from dying, of course, if it happened. But there was no other way she would leave him. Miroku, Sango, and Shippo too would stay with him if he would let them. They all cared, he was just too stubborn to see it._ 'Well, I'll just have to get it through his head that he's stuck with me'_

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Another waste of everything you dreamed of,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

Kagome spotted Inuyasha then; he was crouched on the branch of a tree, his back to her. She couldn't help but notice how nice he looked sitting there, his silver hair highlighted by the slowly changing colors of the setting sun.__

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Only here to watch you as you suffer,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

"I-Inuyasha?" Kagome called out hesitantly, no longer sure she should be intruding on his time alone. The hanyou started, nearly falling out of tree. 'He must have been really deep in thought to let me sneak up on him like that. I know I wasn't moving very quietly.' Inuyasha spun around in surprise, his eyes unguarded for only a moment. But a moment was all it took for Kagome to see the myriad of emotions in his eyes. Their intensity startled her.__

_~ ~ ~ //So your walking on the edge,_

_~ ~ ~ And you wait your turn to fall._

_~ ~ ~ But you're so far gone,_

_~ ~ ~ That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.\\_

"Keh, what do you want wench?" Inuyasha scoffed, recovering quickly. Kagome didn't 'sit' him as she usually would for such a greeting. Instead she walked closer til she was beneath his tree, looking up. 

"You weren't there when I got back and none of the others had seen you," Kagome stated, her eyes questioning. Inuyasha just scowled."I was worried," she admitted softly. That got more of a reaction. His eyes went wide with surprise again before he crossed his arms and turned his head, his scowl back in place.

_~ ~ ~ //And you could find the fault,_

_~ ~ ~ In the heart that you've been handed!_

_~ ~ ~ For though you cannot fly,_

_~ ~ ~ You're not content to crawl!...\\_

"Is something wrong, Inuyasha?" Kagome tried again. Her neck was starting to ache though from looking up so much. "Could you come down here?"

Inuyasha growled and mumbled something about "stupid human wenches" and "can't leave well enough alone" but he jumped down anyways. He scowled at her, not answering her question. He was about ready to demand that they go back when she lowered herself to the ground.

"Oi, wench!" he yelled, but Kagome interrupted him, patting the ground beside her.

"Come on Inuyasha, I don't bite." Inuyasha would have said something rude, but her welcoming smile seemed to be keeping his mind from working correctly. So he sat down beside her instead.

_~ ~ ~ //But it's always too late when you've got nothing_

_~ ~ ~ So you say!..._

_~ ~ ~ But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,_

_~ ~ ~ Before the sun rises...\\_

"What's up Inuyasha?" Kagome asked as they both watched the colors changing on the horizon.

"Keh! Nothing's wrong with me wench!" Inuyasha snarled, but his tone lacked it's usual conviction.

"You've been distant and sulking even before I left for my time. Er, more than usual I mean," she amended. "The other's haven't seen you all day and you didn't notice I was late today. Don't tell me nothing's wrong."

"K-keh!" Inuyasha scowled at the horizon, sulking.__

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Another waste of everything you hoped for,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

"I don't understand you..." Kagome jumped slightly at the mumbled words and turned to look at him; she had started to think Inuyasha wasn't going to tell her anything.

"Me? What do you mean?" she prodded quietly when it was apparent he wasn't going to continue on his own. Inuyasha was looking down now, his bangs hiding his face.

"You and the others," he amended sullenly. '_He's not making sense_' Kagome didn't want to interrupt him though. Inuyasha growled, frustrated at trying to explain himself; it wasn't something he had ever done often. Kagome waited patiently as he tried to find the words to explain. __

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Only here to watch you as you suffer,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

"I treat you like dirt. All of you," Inuyasha finally growled. Surprise flitted across Kagome's face at the pained words; that wasn't quite what she had been expecting. "I'm half demon, Kagome! I'm a jerk to you all and I don't understand why..." he voice trailed off.

"You... don't understand why you're a jerk?" Kagome asked skeptically.

"No!" Inuyasha snapped, looking up to glare at her. "I don't freaking understand why you all don't wise up and leave me alone! I don't understand why any of you would want anything to do with me! I don't understand why you're always hanging around me, pretending to care!" He glared into her surprised eyes for several moments then pain flashed across his face and he turned away, his arms crossed defensively over his chest.

_~ ~ ~ //So you're standing on a ledge,_

_~ ~ ~ It looks like you might fall...\\_

"Inuyasha..." Kagome wasn't sure what to say to that. "I... we aren't pretending. We do care." She frowned at him. "You're our friend, you baka! Despite that fact that you can be a jerk sometimes," she grumbled. "You know we don't care that you're a hanyou! I can't believe you'd even think that'd matter to us!" Kagome gave a human growl, frustrated that he was still facing the opposite direction. "Look at me while I'm talking to you!" she snapped, pulling on a handful of silver hair and forcing him to look at her. Her frustration disappeared as quickly as it had come as she saw the confused emotion in his eyes. Kagome sighed softly and let go of his hair. "You're our friend and we love you for that. All the rest of that stuff doesn't really matter. We'd never leave you Inuyasha."

Surprise, hope, hesitation, fear... emotions chased each other through Inuyasha's mind, showing plainly in his eyes in the unguarded moment. He wanted so much to believe her. His heart was telling him that she meant it. His head was telling him he was being a fool for even considering that it might be true. _But Kagome wouldn't lie to me. Not about this. ...Right?_ Inuyasha cursed himself for his weakness, but he wanted so badly for it to be true. Could they really care about him as much as they seemed to? He could think of no reason they would try to trick him, though that didn't mean there wasn't one. But he trusted them more than that, didn't he?

Yes. He knew they wouldn't try to trick him like that. But he was so afraid that he'd finally accept that they cared... and they'd leave him. Everyone always left him. Inuyasha had begun to believe he was meant to be alone forever. Then he had met Kagome... and the stubborn girl had been determined not to leave his side.

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Another waste of everything you dreamed of,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

Kagome watched in silence as Inuyasha fought his inner battle. _Is it really so hard to believe...? Or is he just afraid of getting hurt again?_ Her heart ached for the pain in his eyes and the wounds she knew scarred his heart. She sighed softly and leaned against him, not knowing any other way to offer comfort. Inuyasha tensed at the contact, but didn't move away. He relaxed slowly and put his arm hesitantly around her shoulders.

"K-Kagome..." He let out a slow breath and drew her closer to him, resting his chin on her hair when she didn't pull away from him. "I... I can't... be... what you want me to be..." Inuyasha stated uncertainly, his arms tightening around her as though he was afraid she would push him away.

Kagome's heart clinched at his words, knowing what he meant. Her affection for him wasn't exactly a secret anymore. The fact that he was telling her that he couldn't love her in return hurt. A lot. But she understood.

_~ ~ ~ //If I am!_

_~ ~ ~ Only here to watch you as you suffer,_

_~ ~ ~ I will let you down...\\_

She realized now, that Inuyasha could not promise to stay with her forever. The issue with Kikyo was still unresolved. And with Naraku still out there and all the other enemies after Inuyasha's life, he could not guarantee that he would survive this war. Even the thought of losing him now caused her breath to catch and tears to pool in her eyes. How much worse would the pain be if he promised himself to her? Maybe he had already considered that. Maybe he wasn't just protecting himself by keeping quiet. Maybe he was protecting her too.

If they couldn't be 'together' in the way she wanted to be now, she would have to accept that. But that didn't mean they couldn't be close friends.__

_~ ~ ~ //The answers we find,_

_~ ~ ~ Are never what we had in mind._

_~ ~ ~ So we make it up as we go along...\\_

And maybe when it was all over... when Naraku was dead and the Shikon no Tama was complete... maybe then they could have a chance together. She planned, at first, to go home after her mission was complete. But now, there was so much she'd miss if she left for good. Over time she had made friends here, she had gotten to know Inuyasha. And she had fallen in love with him. Kagome knew she would stay if he asked her to. 

_~ ~ ~ //You don't talk of dreams_

_~ ~ ~ I won't mention tomorrow._

_~ ~ ~ And we won't make those promises that we can't keep...\\_

Inuyasha was beginning to worry that he had lost her. He knew he shouldn't have said anything. He should have left things alone. He didn't want her to leave him. Inuyasha had to grit his teeth to keep himself from panicking and telling her that he could be what she wanted, that he would do anything for her, that he loved her... anything to keep her from leaving. But that wouldn't be fair to Kagome. He couldn't promise her anything yet; there were too many things still in the way. He would only hurt her if he promised her something that he just couldn't give right now. But the fear that she would leave now... hurt.

"I understand Inuyasha." The hanyou started and stared at the human girl in his arms. The softly spoken words sank in slowly and Inuyasha slumped in relief. She understood. She wasn't going to leave him.

_~ ~ ~ //I will never leave you!_

_~ ~ ~ I will not let you down!\\_

Kagome felt Inuyasha relax as she spoke and she smiled softly. She felt so safe here in his arms, watching the sun sink behind the horizon. Part of her wished they could stay like this forever. But part of her couldn't wait to see what the future held for them. As long as they could be together, everything would always be alright.

"We'll be alright in the end, ne Inuyasha?" Kagome looked up at him, smiling. He blinked in surprise at the complete confidence in her eyes. But he recovered quickly and nodded.

"Aa." A contented smile tugged at the edges of Inuyasha's mouth as an unfamiliar peace settled around his heart.

The hanyou and the human sat there in silence, content in the moment. Their thoughts were the same as they gazed at the stars. '_As long as you're with me..._'

_~ ~ ~ //I will never leave you!_

_~ ~ ~ I will not let you down!\\_

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_~~~The End_~~~


End file.
